Let’s Talk: Juan Wauters

For our 2nd instalment of ‘Let’s Talk,’ we’ve asked NY-music maker Juan Wauters to answer your questions. Thank you everyone who shared their problems, sorry we couldn’t get to each one!


Hello dear advice seekers, here we are through paper or the computer talking to one another. To give a little background on this thing we are doing right now (starting a correspondence), I would say that it went like this: Claire, head director of Editorial Magazine, approached me and asked me: “Hey, do you want to do this advice column as a feature for the magazine?” As I am interested in doing many things and collaborating with people that I appreciate, I said “Yes!” With this being said, I also told Claire: “I’m not into giving advice. I don’t like to tell people what to do.” So then I thought: “Maybe I could try to relate their questions to things that happened to me or maybe encourage people to think differently.” Well, here we go, some answers to your questions. Enjoy and keep them coming, like I said advice is not for me but we’ll do some writing here. Much luv to Claire and all the curious advice seekers, about to rub my crystal ball, JPW.

Dear Juan, you seem at “Juan” with the ladies (giggle). I have had a long history with “Juan” girl (okay I’ll stop). We dated 3 years ago but she started her academic career and we went our separate ways. We started getting in touch again last year and since then we meet in the city or party within a space of a few months. I’m meeting her soon and I want to clear the air by telling her how I feel without pressure inducing her or coming across as needy and lustful. ps. truly love your new record.

Hey, I’m glad you are enjoying “Who Me?” In this case, here is what I would do, as I have done it many times. I would say to her: “Could we meet?” Once we meet I would say, “I am feeling this way.” The truth. If I think she looks pretty, I would say: “You look very pretty today” I would say “since I have been seeing you around lately, I have been wanting to hang out even more. I guess I am mixing up feelings from when we used to go out.” Then I would say: “I don’t know how you feel but me, I want to go out and hang out with you. Pure hang out. No bar or party. Pure hang out. A walk, a talk, whatever but just you and me. Maybe once we do that we can say: ‘this is not it.’ How do you feel? Do you want to hang out?” Something like that. 

You know what? now reading this back, I realize that I talk a little in circles and it might be a little confusing. I am just typing away. Pretty much, I would tell her the truth looking into her eyes and not have any expectations. Also, I would show my vulnerability, talk about my fears and how I am as excited about going into it as I am afraid because there is something at stake. When the other one knows that you are in for a try and are honestly curious to see where it goes and sees that you are as vulnerable as they are, if they are feeling similarly, they might jump in for a try. One last thing, little advice (from the non-advice giver) just use your senses to read the situation as it moves along. If I was in your shoes and see that she doesn’t want to do it. I wouldn’t beg. I would move on. I am not playing the cool guy here but to me it is really important that when I am in a relationship we both want and push just as much. Go ahead and do your thing. It will be whatever it will be and remember that we are always moving forward so no need to be attached to old feelings that will pull us down. Much luv.

Do you ever feel anxious or nervous? What would Juan do if he was having anxiety at a party? Help! 

Sometimes I do. Not much but yeah. It is very common. When my room is messy or when the car is messy while we are on tour, I get anxious or nervous. When there is something that should be said to a friend and it is not said, I feel that way too. Sometimes, before, during or after the show, too. It is common. If I felt anxious at a party, I would think about what is making me feel that way. If it is someone that is there, I would go up to them and say hello. “Hello” is a really good thing to say. When someone looks at me for a second or two, on the street or in the subway or at a party, I just say hello and move on. If it goes into a conversation, of course, I would talk for a bit but if not a “hello” with some good firm eye contact, breaks the ice really well and things get a little more chill. I’m thinking, what else could make me anxious at a party… maybe, everybody looks way fly and for some reason I am not feeling so fly that day, that could make me a little anxious I guess. Not sure. If that is the case, I would think why don’t I feel fly today and work on that. I know that not being fly doesn’t change over night. Depending on where we are in our lives, sometimes we are down and it might take months to feel good again and during those days sometimes is hard to feel hot. It happens to everybody. Some people are able to hide it better but it always comes thru some way. Anyways, again, I would just maybe go for a walk around the block or stay at the party and find a minute to think what is making me feel crazy and see if there is a way to change it form my end. I would never expect someone to leave a party for my own comfort. That is soft. If things were unbearable, I would just leave but, yeah, for sure I would take a minute or two that night or the day after to see what’s making me feel that way and work on it and not rush myself. Things come with time. You do you.

I’m having issues at the moment. I like my brother’s friend A LOT and I don’t know what to do I’M OBSESSING. He comes over all the time and I feel like it might be weird for my brother if anything were to happen :( The only thing is though is that I think he may like me too. Do I pursue it? Or leave it alone.

I would pursue it! No doubt. If I wanted to feel more comfortable, I would tell my brother that I am planning to go on a walk (date, whatever) with his friend. I wouldn’t ask, I would just say: “I am doing this.” Even though they are friends, this thing has not much to do with him. I am sure you love your brother but human attraction is real. If anything goes down wrong, we’ll deal with it later. For all we know it might be a great connection and we can’t let that slip. Quick note here: in my life this has been very common. Not exactly with friends of my brothers but it has happened with my friends’ sisters. My theory is that if I like my friend, therefore, I may be attracted to a female version of themselves. Creepy but true. It happened a couple of times. This might be what’s happening here. You and your brother, I assume (not so good to assume), grew up in the same household so you share a lot of things in the core. Therefore, it is common that you two might have attraction to the same person. Sexual or not. It seems like you are attracted to men and your brother isn’t (not sure of that… anyways) so yeah it make sense, to me, that you might want to hook up with him. If I were you, I make a move before it cools off. It might pop off.

Hey Juan! I’m currently recording an album and it’s almost finished. I think some people could like my music, but I don’t know what to do with it. I have no contact and I don’t really know how the music business works. I did some shows but only good friends came. I want my music to be heard by people and I’d like to tour. Can you give me some advices? I thought about sending two or three songs to record label, but does it really works like that? And please come back to MTL, I missed you last time

I will go back to MTL. Don’t know when but hopefully soon. I will tell you quickly how it worked out for me. Though, I am sure there is not a right way to do it. Well, first of all, I started to play music in NY. This is my home. Big town. The biggest. That’s a plus. If you play at a place where there are more people, more people are going to have the chance to see you play. So, whenever I had a band I started to look for shows to play. This was all for sincere fun. Meaning, we would go out there and play the show with no expectations but just to have fun with the people playing in the band. As we kept doing this, we starting meeting more people and slowly more people would start coming to the show. Playing a lot of shows also helped me get more comfortable on stage. In the beginning it was very hard but we pushed through it. I think the key aspect is to do it just because you do it. By this I mean, if you are doing things (playing shows, self-releasing albums, making music videos, promoting yourself, etc) already on your own, when a label sees this they think: “These people are hustlers, we should work with them.” I’m sure there are cases where the label picks a band from a demo that was sent to them but I wouldn’t say that’s a thing because I have never experienced that. I would say just go out there and play as much as you can and see where it goes. You will be able to see what doors are opening for you. See you out there!

Hi Editorial Mag! <3 Lately i’ve been feeling really lost because most of my friends seem to have their shit together. They all have internships and jobs and seem to generally be doing very well for themselves. Meanwhile I feel like i have NO IDEA what the hell i want to do with my life. Everyone always says “you have time don’t stress” but it is still stressful! Any advice for someone feeling LOST in this huge world!? –much love from the smallest state in the U.S.! (Rhode Island)

Hey! I often feel like that and with time I have come to understand that feeling this way (just sometimes) has made me stronger and more selective with what I do. I see people all the time getting into situations in their lives where they are not happy or fulfilled. What you’re doing is analyzing your possibilities. If they say: “You have time, don’t stress.” I would say: “Look for a solution.” Stressing is probably something that will always come during times of uncertainty and instability. Therefore, I wouldn’t worry much about stressing. It will be there. Just keep it at check and make sure it does not paralyze you. I will leave it with two things that two really important contemporary thinkers said (in my own words): Albert Einstein: After a crisis we will bloom with new strength. Albert Camus: (actual quote) “my whole effort, whatever the situation, misfortune or disillusion, must be to make contact again.” Keep tuned and aware. Things will just present to you.

Hi Juan! First of all, I’d like you to know that I love your music. Had the chance to see you live and you were amazing. Well.. I have a few problems but I can’t see this one clearly: What do you think of going to college? I’m stuck in a bubble like I’m not motivated enough to study anything. I hate to feel like this. How can I motivate myself? Thank you!!

Hello, you know what? That is pretty common. So let’s chill for a minute here. Aside from that, I don’t really know what to say. This is something that has to do with you and a personal journey. While you find out what it is that you want to do, here is what I would do: First, I would get active. Anytime I feel that way (non-motivated, stuck, etc), I would go out and get pumped up. By this I mean, I would walk around (fast pace), go for a bike ride(fast pace), anything that could make you release energy and therefore, get more energy. Second, I would get involved in a social activity. For example, sign up for some class at the library, get a job waiting tables (good $), volunteer somewhere, something like that. This would put you around people that you can talk to and that helps you get a better understanding of yourself. I’m not really sure. All I would do is get up and move. There is a saying that says: “Once the truck is moving, the watermelons will arrange themselves in the back.” You can figure that out. Most importantly, if you need help, seek for your friends’ support. If they are not those kind of friends, you better start looking for new friends. Chin up is a must.   

juan my man, i’ve loved a person for 5 years and i don’t know what to do. what would you recommend a girl do to get someone to like them blah blah blah, like you know, what does it for you? what’s the ultimate thing that seals the deal on you liking someone or not? xXx

Here we go. When someone has self-respect and pride that’s my favorite. That’s just my type. I am sure that someone out there likes self-destructive and crazy.

What’s with this 5 years love affair? Are they responding to this? Meaning, are they loving you back? If yes, are you digging it? If not, that must be draining for you. I would look for love elsewhere. I think love goes back and forth. Like The Beatles say: “And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you made.” If you’re giving love and you re not getting it, I am not sure if I would call that love. That’s how I see it. It might be some obsession. I usually fall out of love if who I love doesn’t love me back. Makes sense to me but we’re all different. Some people like to beg for love and that’s all good. You should figure our how you like to experience love. 

Another note, if you’re trying to change yourself so someone will like you, I am not sure that’s a good thing. I would chill for a minute and take care of myself, learn to love myself again. I go through moments like that all the time. I can’t love or accept love if I’m not feeling hot about myself. I know that loving someone or receiving love feels comforting but sometimes we have to put our feet down and say: “hey, this kind of loving is making me even more confused.” Love is crazy and that’s the good thing about it. Dive in.  

Hi Juan, I’m 24 and still a virgin. I’m want to have sex but the opportunity just hasn’t come up yet, or I haven’t found a dude that’s cool enough yet. But if I wait too long will guys treat me weird? 

Hey… let’s be calm here. No biggie. I know someone, a person very close to me, that just lost their virginity and they were 24 as well. It went down like this for him, he went to a concert and said hello to someone with no expectations and they ended up going home together. Once he was introduced to SEX (Note: people make it seem like it’s a big deal but it’s just like any other natural activity. Of course, as many others activities, it is very enjoyable), he got the bug and now he actively looks for it. Before he was a little aloof about the game. So if you can, play it like that. I would just hang out and not put pressure on myself.  

Another thing, do you feel sexual? Like I said, once you have had it, you will actively look for it. You will get the bug. Nothing crazy. It’s a beautiful thing. Maybe because you haven’t had it, you don’t feet sexual. I don’t know. I am asking you this because people sense sexuality and people like to have sex with sexual people. It’s like an animal thing. Like mating. If you want to meet someone to have sex, don’t look for it. Have it in you and people will sense it. Look nice, whatever that might be to you, and show yourself self-sufficient. They will come and once it feels right, you will do it. It comes to you when you’re looking for it. So if you want to do it, go about your day normally but know that they are people out there that would love to have sex with you so pick up on that. Just chill and sense the vibes. Also remember that it is not a big deal and it is a beautiful thing.  

hey, i am on an internet relationship and you know, i really feel good with it, i really feel it will workout after all and, this girl, really makes me feel in love, really, really in love, not just some kind of attraction, i have been talking to her since 2012 but just a few months ago we started falling really in love with each other, and this girl really drives me mad, i can’t keep her out my thoughts and her voice, her voice fills my head every second through the day and i love it, advice pls!

INTERNET RELATIONSHIP? Fill me in on that!!! You gotta go see her and get that moving. Otherwise you will drive yourself crazy. What is it based on? Does she live in your town? —- Hey, at the same time, I don’t want to be judgemental———- I just don’t get this kind of stuff. I love physical contact and and enjoying time together in person so I could never picture myself in a relationship on the internet. If I were you, I would make a move and get it going aside from the computer. Take in consideration that that is just me. You do you. If she lives far away, go see her. Maybe when you see her in person the whole thing falls apart. Sometimes technology and distance add a thrilling thing to a relationship but once it’s put aside, it just doesn’t feel the same. You wanna take it to the next level? Like on personal level? Or you want it to be an internet relationship? That’s the question. Think about it, not so much, and start making moves. Please don’t think that just because I don’t understand an internet relationship it is not a good thing. I am sure there are people out there that have a relationship like that and love it. It’s just not me but I am just another person. Think about what you want and give it free rein.