Published in Issue 19
Kiera McNally is Contributing Editor and Advice Columnist at Editorial
Mornings are having a moment, and the hype is justified. Think of mornings like a daily horoscope that you write for yourself. As a Cancer with a strong Libra rising, I may appear quite balanced, but without my morning routine I’d be as imbalanced as a politician on Twitter. The first step is opening your eyes and waking up. As you’ve probably heard, it’s bad to look at your phone right away, so count to ten and then proceed to check the date and time. Open your text messages and check any new spam in your inbox. Finally, watch your Instagram stories—the FOMO about staying in last night evaporates instantly. All of a sudden you feel well-rested!
Walk to the kitchen and boil water for your morning lemon water. Open the fridge to look for breakfast but at the sight of last night’s take-out you are reminded not to eat until after you’ve given your digestive system a heartfelt apology in the form a warm citrus infusion. As you hydrate, peacefully stare out the window and ponder…no thoughts here! A soft buzzing takes you out of your tranquil state. Is it your phone? A passing truck? No, it’s a bumblebee, and motivation to save the species is a great way to start the day.
Search your favourite YouTube yogis to do some sun salutations and carefully place your laptop on the pile of dirty clothes at the end of the bed, piling more clothes as necessary to get the computer at an ideal ergonomic height. After brushing your teeth and splashing your face with the local tap water, mist yourself with at least 50-75 cents worth of your favourite high-end rosewater. Next, conservatively apply $50 tinted moisturizer to enhance the no-makeup look you woke up with. Finally, apply your most cherished lipstick and blot off as much as you can. Break: section off 30 minutes of your morning to choose the perfect comfortable-yet-sexy outfit that shows you don’t care.
Now it’s time for breakfast. Make your usual soul-full smoothie of one banana, ashwagandha, and Taoist philosophies, topping it off with some existential crisis and unsweetened almond milk. Drink it down with the calm determination of a baby goat.
By now, this menial routine will have brought some equilibrium to your useless existence. If not, repeat all steps until you’ve gathered the courage to face everyone that secretly feels the same way you do—disgruntled and unstable. I recommend the comfiest pair of shoes and a sandalwood scent.
See more from Kiera HERE.
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