Let’s Talk With Kiera

The 3rd installment of Kiera McNally‘s very own advice column. Published in issue 15.
Thanks to everyone who wrote in, and sorry to anyone we missed! 


Hey Kiera. My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years now. She’s Canadian from Montreal, I’m American from LA. We moved to Vancouver to be together but now I have to go back to LA to focus on acting. We’ve only ever been with each other and I’m really afraid that we have to sleep with other people while I’m getting set up down there to know what it’s like and have different experiences. Help meh! Much love to you and Mac. -Alden

Dear Alden,

I’m a little confused with your question to be honest. Do you want to sleep with other people? Because that’s not a question for me, thats a discussion for you and your girlfriend to have. It may be cliche but being open and honest with your thoughts and feelings is the best thing for any partnership. Looking at all the options and what you are both comfortable with is a possibility or perhaps a break up might ultimately be what you both need. (Especially before things get dirty and someones gets hurt). It will fucking suck, but sometimes a new and different dynamic is what is needed  to bring you closer to yourself and each other. Then again, maybe you really love her and you have spring fever in a hot and sexy city.

What advice do you have for people that are unsure of their future? I have no idea what I want to do the rest of my life and I’m not sure how to find out!? Thank yooooooou, Breck

Dear Breck,

Welcome to the club! Maybe only like 5% of all human beings know what they want  to do with their future and even then, it’s suspicious that they can be so sure (like wtf, right?). Life has a way of taking  you down different paths, ya just gotta keep rocking and rollin and make up your mind go right or left. When people ask me what I want to be when i grow up I say “A good person” . When people ask me what I do, I say “Whatever the fuck I want”.

hi! this is for Kikis advice column!! so ive been going thru a very heavy and hard hitting depressive episode since September and im losing my friends because i don’t talk much anymore or text anyone. people have also told me i look cold and unapproachable. so how can i let people know i need a lot of space and i don’t feel like talking without telling them im depressed or making them think i hate them?

Dear Heavy and Hard-hitting,

Life is big and weird. I hope that you’ve been finding some sort of help for your depression, whether it be professional or music or art or exercise (heh)? Theres absolutely no shame in taking a step out of the social scene to focus on yourself and your feelings. And theres no shame in admitting to your friends you just “can’t right now”. Because in dealing with your own problems it will eventually make it easier to get out there, hit people up and have a bigger love for the whole wide big crazy mix up mad world.

dear kiki,

i’ve been feeling weird about my body and my gender for about a year. ive been experimenting with womens clothing recently and it feels exhilarating and freeing. i’m not sure if i’m ready to “transition” to being a woman, but i don’t feel myself in my body. ive been kind of depressed and vulnerable like i can’t deal with the drama that will likely occur if i announce all this to my circle and my family. should i wait until i’m a stronger person or what should i do?? pls help.

Dear PLS

Sounds like you are a human going through life as a person trying to figure themselves out….and I think you are doing a great job! This is a big question but you sound like a strong person really trying to find the core of yourself and that’s amazing! My advice would be to start small. Hopefully you have someone close to you that you can vocalize your feelings to or find a community of people that have gone through a similar experience. Developing a cocoon of support will help.  And when you’re ready you can emerge to be the beautiful butterfly (sugar baby- by the band crazy town) I know you are. Seems like you are half way there already.

So my crush and I have a close friendship. He has liked me in the best but he is currently dating my best friend. He tells me everything and I tell him everything. We support one another. Some romantic things have happened between us. He once invited me to sleep over his house when his parents were away while he was dating my friend (I declined). I don’t know what to do. Should I wait for him or should I move on? I’ve liked him for a couple years and nothing has changed for the good.

Dear Crushing,

Having a crush on someone is a nice feeling, and having close friends might be an even nicer feeling. Sounds like you have two great friends who are currently involved with one another and a crush who may be a little confused and not completely honest. My advice would be to keep your friends, and slip the crush in your back pocket because you may grow out of those pants and find a new one soon.

hi kiki!

im in first year university and living in res. so far i get along with everyone and school is fine. but lots of the girls in my floor hook up with each other. i’m totally fine with it i just don’t feel attracted to the same sex. one girl told me i wasn’t “queer” and i felt like a loser. i know it sounds stupid, but should i hook up with a girl just to fit in? – thanks.

Dear Student,

No one should ever have to hook up with anyone if they don’t feel like it. Ever.