Emily Post-Internet Etiquette



From Santa Fe to Seoul, members from society wake, reaching for their interconnected devices, those glowing orbs that separate man from beast. We are always connected but too often there is a disconnect. Not because the IRL is any more “real” than the URL, but by virtue of the fact we lack an agreed upon code of decorum. Meaning becomes lost in nuance and emoji. As technology changes every day, many of us feel at sea without a life preserver, in a foreign country without Google Translate, on a road trip without GPS. Even the most well-mannered conversationalists among us stumble when tasked with presenting one’s self in the digital form. Emily Post-Internet is here to help.

Email Signatures

I’m getting what you’re giving though perhaps it’s not what you thought. Be forewarned.

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How 2 text your crush




It is appropriate to be exchanging such messages with more than one person at the same time, but one should take care not to send the exact same nude or enticing remark to more than one respondent. Remember, do onto others as you’d like them to do onto you!!!


Communicating by emoji is a delicate art. Too wide of a smile can quickly place you in psycho territory. One must also take care not to appear either too lazy [twins dancing] [crystal ball] [pink heart] or too desperate in your attempts to seem random and creative [shrimp tempura] [American football] [octopus.] An emoji is a friendly way to punctuate the end of a conversation. [Blushing cheeks smiley] is a flirty favorite.


A good rule of thumb: Every two posts about you, post about someone or thing else. We all know the internet is your soapbox, but remember to support the ones that retweet.

Cut Direct 2.0

These breaches of civility are equivalent to a direct stare of blank refusal IRL when one party refuses to acknowledge another known party. For example, if one regrams a photo and crops another out of it or if several individuals are @ed in a tweet and one of the @ed parties replies but drops another’s @[handle] in their response. Cut directs are not only insulting but embarrassing to every witness. They are only acceptable with the gravest cause.


Let us suppose that you meant to text a message to “Daddy” and sent it to “Dad” instead, or you were creeping the profile of that person whose bits you sucked once nine years ago and now they’re dating Harrison Ford’s daughter and you accidentally liked a selfie from 87 months ago. People of an older generation find technology inscrutable at times. If you’ve broken etiquette with someone over the age of 50, blame it on auto-correct, spell-check, a “virus,” the Y2K bug, your little sister, or a ghost in the machine. If the person’s under the age of 50, you should probably curl up and die.